You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
