If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
