this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
