I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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