Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
