I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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