so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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