Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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