screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
