I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
