remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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