meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
