We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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