are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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