grandma shit on top of the toilet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
