I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
