On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We left the knife in your bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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