Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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