I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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