I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
