I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
