dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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