i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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