All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
