By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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