I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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