I wannas sexs uuuuu
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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