Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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