We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
