I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
