too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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