I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
