Actions speak louder than pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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