living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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