If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
