I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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