the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
