on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
