i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
