Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
