very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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