It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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