I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
