That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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