I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ttyl tear gas
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
