YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
