I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
