Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
