a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
