You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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