I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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