i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
