dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
