it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
