My cat gives me a boner
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
