I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
