I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
