idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
