Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
