is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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