Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
