you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
