Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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