Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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