i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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