yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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