took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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