I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
