My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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